The ringing of my phone jarred me awake at 2:55 on Sunday morning. 2:55! Vaguely conscious, I mumbled some sort of greeting. It must have sounded like I’d smoked profusely for a lifetime.
Someone on the other line said something about being with a security company and that an alarm was going off at our church building. “Church? What’s a church?” Slowly, the fog in my brain began to lift and I asked a few questions. Apparently, the wind had caused an unlocked door at our church building to set off an alarm. No motion detectors were activated so it seemed all was well. After some additional words the phone call ended. It was nearly 3 a.m.
Since becoming a pastor decades ago, Saturday night sleep has always been fitful. Continue reading
Married or planning to marry? Want to make that marriage as unhappy, bitter and painful as possible? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Here are seven easy steps to having a lousy marriage.
1. Make your marriage all about you. This is Lousy Marriage 101. Don’t consider your spouse. Make it all about you, you, you. Forget their interests, needs or love language. Better to not think of them at all. Keep the focus of the marriage all about what you want, what you like and what you need. Is that so hard? Continue reading
Here is the basic transcript of a recent conversation I had with my pastor buddy.
Me: Did you get a copy of my new book “30 Days to Acts” yet? You wrote the foreword.
Him: No, did that come out already?
Me: Yes. You need to buy a copy. You wrote the foreword.
Him: Well, since I wrote the foreword, shouldn’t you send me a free copy?
Me: The foreword wasn’t THAT good.
And that is when he realized his friend is cheap.
While in another country, I saw ads painted on the sides of homes and buildings. It was a way for the home or business owner to make some extra income. So, I started thinking about churches. They have big walls and could use extra income. What if they used those walls for advertising? The ideas are endless- and bad ideas abundant. Here are some of those bad ideas for church wall advertising.
– Rogaine. It works for Pastor Bob.
– Dr. Pepper. The preferred soft drink for non-heretics.
– Youth Pastor Jimmy recommends Continue reading
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