I am not the dictator of the Southern Baptist Convention… yet. But, in preparation for that eventuality, I have additional mandates which will be observed during my dictatorship of the SBC.
First, boring sermons are going to be outlawed. Slap downs will ensue for those breaking this edict. Come on, preacher, don’t bore the folks with a bad sermon on the most exciting message the world has ever known! Use a story once in while. Humor is not forbidden. Poke some fun at yourself. Show some passion. And, for the record, sermons can be both expository and interesting. Preach meat and bring some sizzle. Don’t make me come up to that pulpit!
Second, seminaries will become more practical. The dictatorship will remind you that the future for most seminarian students is not academia. Most will become pastors and missionaries and youth ministers, etc. Professors who teach students factual information without practical application in real life ministry will be in trouble. The dictator will give them a low D on a real fake model of a report card which they must show to their mothers. To their mothers! Seminaries will focus more attention on godly leadership, people skills and how to deal with problems- in addition to Greek, Hebrew and Systematic Theology.
Third, churches will support missionaries with vigor. The dictatorship will encourage mission trips and projects and such. But, churches will not do those things instead of supporting the IMB personnel on the field. If you aren’t supporting the career missionaries, aren’t you kind of missing the point? The dictator will not allow an abdication of cooperative missions. He has disallowed it- boom! The brutal hand of the dictatorship will punish infractions through forced attendance at Justin Bieber concerts. (Okay, he has some catchy tunes, but really, do you want to deal with thousands of screaming tweener girls? I told you the hand of the dictatorship can be brutal!)
The mercy of the dictatorship causes a brief pause in mandating. And, I need a snack.