Lessons on Empathy

I don’t empathize easily. Seeing the perspective of others doesn’t seem to come to me very naturally. I seldom think deeply about the needs or problems of others until I face those same needs or problems myself. It is uncommon for me to consider the point of view of others without going through those circumstances. Having noticed this weakness in myself, I marvel at those who empathize well.

Romans 12:15 tells us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.” Isn’t this a powerful verse? This is empathy in action. We rejoice with others in their victories and achievements and successes and we are joyful for their joy. We weep with others in their pain and hurt and loss and we are sorrowful for their sorrow. We connect with others through our empathy with their joy and their sadness.

Maybe, like me, you struggle with empathizing with others. Here are some suggetions I’ve made to myself about how to do this better. Maybe these will help you as well.

1. Recognize your own self centeredness. I don’t have any problem noticing my own needs. I’ve got that down pat. We tend to see things through the lens of our own lives and can forget that others have joy and pain as well. Knowing your own tendency to forget about the needs of others is half of the battle. Choosing to die to self is hard. Choosing to love others as you love yourself is difficult. Perhaps the hardest part of empathizing with others is remembering to think of others and not just yourself.

2. Learn from your own history. My mother has been a widow now for more than a decade. I seldom thought about how hard it must be to lose one’s spouse until it happened in my own family. Watching her grief and loneliness made those emotions much more personal. I am much more apt to empathize with those who have gone through this pain now than I was before the death of my father. God wants to use your pain to help you see the pain in others. The pain in your own history can help you consider that others are going through pain as well.

3. Put yourself in others’ shoes. One of the reasons we struggle to sympathize is because we don’t see the perspective of others. When you learn to consider the circumstances others face, you can begin to understand them better. How would I feel if I were in their position? What would I need should I be in that setting. These things help us to understand, relate and empathize.

4. Listen well to others. Could it be that part of my struggle with empathy comes from my lack of really listening to others? How often I’ve listened to the stories of others just long enough to tell them how my stories are similar and far more interesting! The better you become at listening– truly hearing others– the better you will be able to rejoice and weep with them. Listening is one of the greatest acts of empathy we can perform.

I hope you will join me in learning to “rejoice with those who rejoice” and “weep with those how weep”. We will be far more effective in truly helping others when we learn to be more faithful in empathizing with them.